Joel: My name Is Joel. This is Benji, my brother.
Benji:I hate you.
benji:this next video is Blink 182's 'First date'...joel's still yet to have one.
Benji: Joel needed some anatomy lessons.
joel:thats right.
Benji:he was all twisted up...couldnt figure things out.
joel:...thats right...
benji:(introducing lifestyles video) I feel like such an asshole for introducing our video.
joel: Benji, you are an asshole.
joel: Heyyy, I cant think of a betterplace to be than hanging out on a collage campus listening to tunes and watching rock vid--
benji: Tunes!?!?!??
joel: yeah, you know, like songs from Default.
benji:We never use the word 'tunes'!!! Rule #4!
Joel: ...ok...
benji: joel get intimidated easily.
joel:...thats right.
joel: *doesnt know he's on camera* Dude!!! shut up!
benji: Joel fell off stage. He tripped.
Joel: ...this is the new vid--
benji:Its his new most embarassing moment. EVER.
joel:shut up...no, your my most embarassing moment ever...
joel: (talking about 2003 grammy nominations) we were nominated for a grammy.
benji: yeah, but we said no.
joel:Keep your grammy
Benji:yeah, shove that grammy...up your ass.
joel:could it be any more obvious that he was reading from a cue card? He's like this the whole time *looks back and forth from the cue card to the camera and mocks benji* "UH, RECENTLY..."
joel: welcome back to All Things Rock, I'm Joel.
benji: And I'm benji.
joel: yeah...unfortunately...
joel: Go to mtv.com and tell us what you think of the show.
benji:And what you think of joel, and if you think he should really be on the show.
joel: Thats right!
Joel: I really love Dashboard, if you dont have the cd you should really check it out.
benji: joel listens to it and just cries, and sobs...tears of heartbreak.
Joel:Were in a band called Good Charlotte.
benji:yeah, joel likes to mention that every time.
Joel: *acts stupid to destract benji*
Benji:Dude, get serious. Your gonna get us fired!
Benji:hey, welcome back to All Things Rock, we're from a band called Good Charlotte. THERE JOEL!!! I said it!
Joel: thank you!
Joel: I think if they had a California music award for the hosts, we'd win.
benji:True! we are really good! well lets check out the next vidio, and while the vidio is playing, we can talk about how well we are amongst ourselves.
post: dear benji and joel, you are always fighting and I think since your brothers, you guys should hug, just once.
joel:No. Sorry, no.
benji: Yeah. Joel has this thing where he doesnt touch people and he washes his hands alot.
benji: (reading post) some nice person decided to post a little poll on who should get fired, me or joel. A little contest of something.
joel:this should be funny.
benji: 1% sid joel should get fired...
joel:ha ha ha...
benji:1% says that I should get fired, thats 2%. The other 98% of people say that we should both get fired, that we suck, that we don't know what were doing, we dont belong on MTV, were no good...we look bad...
joel:OK,OK!!
benji: Bonjour biatch! Au rivior biatch!
benji:(talking about No Douts video game) I'm buying that one.
joel:I got Playstation2, (points to benji) and he's got X-Box.
benji: billy and paul bought me the X-Box. I think they just got it so they could play with it though.
joel:Yeah. Thanks guys, Billy and Paul. We love you guys. Anyways...
benji: (reading post) 'do you guys read actual posts, or do writers give you something??'...Do you think were puppets? I dont make this stuff. Some kids wrote these on message boards.
joel: This show cant afford writers
benji: Do you thinkI write these? Here, listen. 'Benji is hot.' 'Benji is god.' 'ATR rocks. 'Benji is cool.' I dont write these! were not puppets!
joel: No more posts for you. (snatches posts from benji)
benji:C'omon Joel, who's tougher?
joel: Okay, he is. No, wait, actually we have this dog named Cash.
benji:yeah,Cash.
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joel:GO to MTV All Things Rock message board.
benji: And tell me how great I am!
benji: *reading post* PS. Benjiis a better host that joel.
benji: Welcome back to the best show on MTV, and were the best hosts!
joel: You're very confident...
benji: Yes! I am the best.
joel: welcome back to all thigs rock, and I'm one half of your host, Joel.
benji: yeah, and I'm the better half, benji.
benji: you know, personally, I havent had any problems with being married and being on tour.
joel:you're not married.
benji:...oh.
joel:you never will be.
benji:*talking about buying a CD* you can go to your local Target store
joel: Tar-jayyy
benji: yeah, I used to work at Target. Uhhh, long story, I got fired for painting a tuxedo on my nacked body at a company function...the punch spilled, it was a mess.
joel: bad story...
benji: very,very,very bad story!
chad (New Found GLory): All thinds ROCK! all things ROCK! * pics up rocks and starts throwing them at joel*
benji: *talking about post* I found a shocking one
joel: it IS a shocking one...
benji: "first of all I want to say that those wannabe punk rockers from Good Charlotte are the worst hosts I've ever laid eyes on." * joel looks at paper and makes a shocked face* " I dont htink they should be able to host in the first place. why dont MTV just find a bum on the street and give him a job to host a crappy rock show?"
joel: *silent pause* well, my mom always said there would be haters, just keep doing your thing.
benji:I...I dont even know what to say.
benji: Hey kids, change the channel and I'll kill you!
*joel is laughing and shaking his head*
joel:No, its ok, he's not gonna kill you, he couldnt kill anything.
*benji just stares at him*
joel: I'm...I'm joel and this is benji
benji:I'm...I'm joel and this is benji
joel: *keeps talking*
benji: *shrugs* I thought it was funny
joel: it wasnt funny. He's never funny.
Benji: *Makes funny faces and starts doing the "robot"*
Joel: And dont forget...
benji: ...to give me lots of compliments!
joel:Give him lots of compliments...he NEEDS them!
benji: *nods in agreement*
joel: we're standing here on this mosaic--
benji: I made a mosaic in fifth grade out of noodles...
joel:--very famous...that's nice Benji.
benji: This is All Things Rock and I'm benji and this is MY show!!! oh yeah, and this is my little helper joel.
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benji: *after reading post* We sit on plastic boxes. And in order to make them look cool, they have lights in them and they get pretty HOT!
joel: It's like fire under your ass!
Benji: *Reading post* " I agree, they should play some 'Motivation Station.' Its not a Benji and Joel show without GC videos." *laughs* Whats a 'Motivation Station?'
joel:I dont know...
benji: I dont know either, but that the new term kids. Thats the cool thing to say.
joel:right!
Benji:MTV's the Motivation Station!
benji: There have been a lot of problems with downloading the new Dave Matthews band CD...so stop it joel!
Joel:and we'll have a video from--
benji: bu--
Joel: umm, we'll have Billy--
benji: bu--
joel: and paul on the show tonight, and--
benji: bu--
joel: dude! stop doing that I'm trying to talk about--
benji: bu--
joel: *puts his hand over benji's face* SHHH!!!!!!
benji: Hey, Kids, don't do anywhere 'cuz when we get back, we've got more videos for you...AND Joel and I are gonna have a fist fight!!! * looks at Joel*
joel:* shakes his head* **reluctently** stick around...
Benji: all that matters is fame and money!
Joel: *shakes his head* Shut up, OK? enough, alright?
benji:*softly* ...alright
Benji: welcome back to All Thing Rock. I'm benji and this is MY show, and Joel's just hanging out. Nice to have you hear joel! *pats him on the back*
Joel: *shakes his head* Thanks...
benji: Look at the post I found. "Benji has good hair. Benji has good pants. Benji is great. Benji is...benjiful." Look, I have my own adjective!
joel: Okey, and for the video...
benji: *still rambling* I'm going to rellish in all my Benjiness...
benji: have you nseen Kid Rock's new beer cermmercial?
joel: No.
benji: It makes me want to drink soda...
joel: *stares blankly*
benji: was that funny?
joel:no.
joel:...and this is from their '97 album, Nimrod.
benji: Woah! thats the year I graduated high school!
joel: Yes it is.
benji *looks at camera* see i told you guys i graduated!
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benji: Hey! You're watching All Things Rock, Which is my show, and I'm Benji*looks at joel* arnt you glad I let you hang out sometimes?
joel: So watch the VMA's hosted by Jimmy Fallon.
benji: My friend.
joel: You've never met him, you dont know him, he's not your friend.
benji: Then thats my award.
joel: No, its not.
benji: Hes got these fake tattoos. I dont know if I'm down with that. Ya see, these arn' real.
joel: Yeah, but he could...
benji: Kick my ass? yeah, im sure he could.
(talking about Vin Diesel)
benji: Change the channel and die *smiles*
joel: Hey everyone, welcome back. I'm joel and this is my brother benji.
benji: yes, the rumors are true...we ARE related.
benji:*talking about hte lead singer of the White Stripes*He says he doesn't have any ASSperations to become a big movie star.
joel: he doesnt have any ASSperations?
benji: No...*continues talking* I've got ASSperations.
joel: you do??
benji:of being like, one of those guys in civil war movies that dies like, right away.
joel: We're doing this spankin new style this week.
benji:spankin new style???
joel: spankin new, yo.
benji: word.
joel: word.so, anyway, were hear with--
benji: wait a minute, your'e not making fun of hip hop are you?
joel: no...NO!
benji: good, 'cause I'll break you like a fool.
joel: * talking about some video director*
benji: he also directed Chritina Aguliera's video for "dirrty" The best video in the history of videos ever!...EVER!!!!!
benji: You probably shouldnt punch the floor onstage while your angry...*points to Joel* You should punch your brother, thats what brothers are for, you should hit your brother.
joel: well, I'm speechless...
benji: They said the track was written about the overwhelming temptations of stardom.
joel: I know I get overwhelmed.
benji: You're not a star.
joel: Oh, yeah...
benji: *stops talking and listens to announcer in bowling alley* They just called for the ball boy, joel.
Joel: Gotta go! *walks off set*
Benji: *talking about his equipment* ...which you can probably can't see 'cause of a lot of stains from fruits and tomatoes and other various items thrown at me while I'm onstage...
joel: People hate you.
benji: ...small children...midget parts...
joel: people must really hate you.
benji: I'm...I'm not a very loved man in this country am I?
